


Bright Eyes and Sticky Whims

by lindgr3nn



Category: SKAM (Netherlands), SKAM (Norway)
Genre: F/F, SKAM, SaveSkamNL, skam nl
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:48:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23924866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lindgr3nn/pseuds/lindgr3nn
Summary: Engel is in love with a girl; one of her closest friends. Liv is starting to doubt a lot of things.This is my first fanfiction so... I'm sorry haha
Relationships: Engel Beekman/Liv Reijners, liv/engel, livengel
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	Bright Eyes and Sticky Whims

**Utrecht**

_After the trip to Tallinn_

**Engel**

My heart is humming and I can’t stop it. It feels sweet, like honey. Golden and clear. Too sticky, though; my feelings get everywhere and they’re so persistent. They’re hard to hide. It’s getting harder every day. 

I’m lying on my bed with my feet propped up against the wall and I’m fidgeting around with my sunglasses. My mind is racing. Our trip back from Tallinn was so hectic; I haven’t had the time to decipher my emotions. Though, now I have nothing left to distract myself with. My feelings are swarming out - continuous explosions, one after another. I sigh and close my eyes. I finally give in and let it all consume me. There she is. Her chocolate curls bouncing around her shoulders, full lips curving up into a smile. Her velvet voice echoes back and forth between my ears. I love it. Everything about it. Everything about _her_. 

I don’t really know when all this started. My feelings tend to blend in with each other so it’s always hard to tell. They rarely _change_ \- I guess they just develop. 

**Liv**

We’re back from our trip to Tallinn. I sigh loudly through my nose as i drag my suitcase to the final stretch and release it, letting it roll a few centimetres away from me. I rummage around in my pockets for my apartment key. The second my hand clutches the right one, the apartment door slams open and I jump. 

“Liv!” Ralph squeals and dances out. He welcomes himself into my arms. 

“Ralph! Jesus.” I roll my eyes but my smile wins its way onto my face. Ralph gives a muffled sigh against my neck and plays with my hair. He pulls away and looks at me.

“You haven’t changed a bit!” He beams.

“God, Ralph i’ve been gone for only-”

“Liv!” Esra yells from inside. She runs towards us and pulls me into a tight hug.

“I missed you! How was the trip back?”

“I missed you too, Esra! It was alright.” We break apart and I grab my suitcase. Esra helps me with my other bags. 

As we set my stuff down in the living room, Esra and Ralph let themselves fall into the couch. Esra pats the cushion beside her, inviting me to sit. They ask me to tell them “everything”. So I do. Well, almost everything.

**Engel**

I want to tell someone. I want someone to know that she’s there every time I close my eyes. This time, it’s not the most popular guy in school; the one _everyone_ ’ _s_ obsessed with. This time, I can’t blend in. I feel alienated from everything, including myself. It’s just so weird that I never knew until now and yet, when I look back, the signs were all there. Who can I talk to? I can’t tell my mom because, well, I just can’t. I can’t talk to any of the girls because of obvious reasons. It would make things too awkward. This is all my fucking fault.

I don’t know how to deal with things that are real. Pretending is easier. This is different, though. It’s too real. It’s lightyears away from everything else I have ever felt before. I can’t just make it go away. It’s attached itself to me by force. I wish I had realised _this_ sooner. I feel like most people realise this stuff when they’re really young. Am I stupid for not knowing all this time? I must be. 

**Liv**

I told Esra and Ralph about the art museums we visited and the three dogs we befriended on a narrow street. I told them about all the vibrant buildings and cozy little cafes built into cobblestone walls of the 15th century. Smokey air wafted around the paved streets as we pranced around the city’s heart with beer bottles in our hands. We were all so happy and heedless, in the best way possible.

“So what’s the verdict? Are Estonian boys cute?” Ralph asks me after I finish talking. I laugh, crumple up the tissue i was fidgeting with and throw it at his face. 

“According to the girls: yes, they are,” I respond. Esra smirks and nubs at my nose.

  
Tallinn was so rich with history. Engel made sure she grazed every nook and cranny with her eyes. She was taken with the Baltic Sea and the old city. She was taken with everything. One night, I saw her eyes glow like fireflies do in navy skies. I’ve never seen her act that way or look at things like that; look at _me_ like that.

**NOTE:**

Hello... I've never really written a fanfiction before. I'm not really sure where this is going but there are no livengel fanfics around so I decided to start writing one myself. I don't know if I'm going to continue this (I do hope to) but we'll see. :)


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